Spillway

Thank you for saving me a seat

Each morning you moved your bag

It meant the world to me

I was new in town

Your kindness let me know

Things were going to be fine

I don’t know why I couldn’t speak

I know why I said "I don’t want to be here"

It was just my way of trying

To wish it away, to wish things were different I couldn’t face how fast everything changed I was there, then gone, in another new place

I dump it all in the spillway

Draining out the impossible things

I can’t control

Let it go in the spillway

Leaving the bad, keeping the good

Yeah, it definitely hurt

But everything changes, it’s gonna be fine

I looked for you in the crowd

I prayed for your safety

It was a kind of blessing

To not see your face on the news

But my mind wouldn’t let go

I could see every casual hello

Nobody could help me

I could not say what I was feeling

It was too overwhelming

I felt like a criminal doing my job

I felt unjustified defending myself

The shame ran deep

I felt punished for every infraction

I was seeking any kind of escape

I dump it all in the spillway

Draining out the impossible things

I can’t control

Let it go in the spillway

Leaving the bad, keeping the good

Yeah, it definitely hurt

But everything changes, it’s gonna be fine

In my dreams we were walking

Across the spillway, no flood, no warning Just pounding feet on the rail bridge Walking like good friends

The rail bridge is realizing

You’re just human

In a moment you needed me

I needed you right back

I’m sorry I hurt you,

I’m sorry you felt betrayed

It wasn’t anything about you,

I know you wanted to help

The pain was so bad I went numb

I didn’t really know myself then

But I have the words now

When I see you in my mind

You always save me a seat

Thank you for your hospitality

Thank you for loving freely

Thank you for getting mad and not pretending

Thank you for loving unconditionally